Movie Review-Land Shark (DVD)

Review-Mark Polonia in the commentary for his last film (Or last film of his I watched) , “ Sharkenstein” said that he was obsessed with sharks since “Jaws”. If you liked his last shark movie, chances are this film will be up your alley. If you did not like his last film, chances are you will hate this film just as much, if not more. Yet again, we are dabbling in the secret government facility that is working with sharks. This time, we are trying to give them the technology to make them walk on land. This is usually the time that you may want to smoke some weed or drink heavily to kill every brain cell. If this scenario was not enough, we have a scientist and a guy who are using some kind of ray beam laser weapons to kill the sharks. Can I be frank? Either Mark got so fucked up one night that he felt this was a good idea, or he expects anyone who watches this film to love the insanity. This film would have been so much better if it did not try so fucking hard to take itself so serious. This film needed something to balance the plot.

This film needed absurdity in other avenues beside the cheaply done shark effects. The acting in this film is bad. It is not even a fun bad. When you have a film and Sarah French is a negative, you know there is something seriously wrong. “ Land Shark” is just such a badly paced boring 70 plus minute excuse to want to hate watching movies. I will get flack about what indie films are about. I mean, what the fuck do I know? I only watched what.. thousands of them. Put a ton of them on radars. There is a difference between an indie film with zero budget and a lazy fucking film that wants to get sympathy for having a zero budget. You had so much to use, and you chose to ignore it all. There is very little if any gore. This film needed humor. A darkly scripted story that would give people a sense of humor, where they watch this film and get the joke. This film wants us to think it is fucking “ Deep Blue Sea” or “ The Shallows”. You are a fucking film about some shark being able to do the impossible, which is walk on land. If this is the state of indie films, no wonder why the field is starting to look bleak.

On a scale of one to ten, can I pretend I did not watch this film and go on about my life?