Coming soon from Gravitas Ventures
Review-Apartment 1303 is an American remake of the Japanese film that came out a while back, which confuses me. Why remake this film? The Japanese original I felt was pretty bad and the only way to improve on it is to just completely forget it exists. But fear not, (this is all parody and eye rolling people) the American remake gives us Mischa Barton and Rebecca De Mornay. This film is basically an embarrassment for all involved including yours truly. The first thirty minutes of this film alone if it does not have you looking for the remote to turn it off; you are more patient than any horror fan has the right to be. There is little to very little horror elements to this film, the film is basically the equivalent of actors and actresses who were sick of holding out on that next major blockbuster and did not follow their gut, and just took the payday. If you thought the Japanese original was bad and could not get any worst, I am here to call you a liar. Oh it gets worst, a lot worst. Till this day, I always thought the remake of Prom Night was the worst remake ever, I was sadly wrong. In both films the story revolves around an apartment building that a young lady got at a steal. The girl falls out of the balcony and dies, and then her sister comes over and investigates. See if you are a horror fanatic you already can guess the rest that the apartment 1303 has a history of ghosts and previous tenants that did not want anyone in there. From start to finish, this film is boring and such a dead in the water idea that you had to know all involved knew how bad it was, and just kept going onward just to get it over with. This is the part where I am supposed to come up with something witty to say or tell you the positives to this film, and I can honestly say I am hard pressed on both levels. I am so fucking sick of sitting thru films that we the film audience should be warned about, not so much by a blogger or a spammer on some film site, but the studio itself. They knew how bad this film is, and is just going to give it to us and put some silly quotes on the front from some bull shit blogs and film sites that if you quizzed half about their horror logic they would tell you how the remake of The Hitcher and Nightmare on Elm Street are so praise worthy, and how Inside, Martyrs, and the original Evil Dead are nothing to brag about. I am floored that Mischa Barton still has a film career without turning to porn. She has zero acting ability and each film role she takes on, she is clearly over her head, she may be living proof that the casting couch still exists. What next Teen Mom Farrah Abraham playing fucking Ripley in an Alien redux. Who gives these hacks the careers they have?
All in all, I would rather not admit I have seen this film and do like Watergate and just brush this under the carpet and go on with life as normal. I just know before I die, they will do a Scream redux with Lindsay Lohan playing the Drew Berrymore role, I just know it in my fucking gut.
0 out of 10