Movie Review-Bangkok Assassins


Bangkok Assassins is the latest direct to dvd film from Lionsgate. I will say this for a company that prides itself on the franchises they put out; they really seem to turn a blind eye to the direct to dvd side of business. This problem is by no means a new problem it has existed for a very long time, and unlike some companies who do throw a gem in every now and then on their direct to dvd fare, I have yet to see a direct to dvd gem or anything even worth telling you to go to Redbox at least and throw in a dollar to see from them in years. This film opens up in Thailand and the child abduction business seems to be booming, as a group abducts children to punish them by beating and handicapping them. In the opening first few minutes we get to see them torturing a bunch of children, so if that is your cup of tea to see little boys get their eyes poked out, beaten or having their tongues cut out you are going to be in heaven. The film revolves around the last four boys who are kidnapped, because while they are being tortured one day a Shaolin Kung Fu master and his daughter witnesses it and saves them. Well from there around 15 years later, the master teaches them the art of Kung Fu and as you can guess something happens to the master now the four with the little girl have to fight for justice and unite to stop the one responsible.

This film is bad, unwatchable bad. The opening fight sequence with the master and the abductors was utterly ridiculously bad. You are telling me a group of guys cannot stop a guy who can levitate and move slowly over their heads like a wounded bird and make rocks move with his mind? Then the little girl the old man had with him has a moment or two in this film she sings and dances. That was utterly just as bad as the fighting if not worst. I thought the torture scenes with the kids in the beginning was awful, and not so bad cruel as it was unnecessary like it knew that was the only thing it could do to get you to react, because you will not follow the actors or script, so it chose to torture kids. The film has a script that was a waste of time to even try to get a grasp on or follow it. They had to have written it on napkins at the Taco Bell in Thailand. I am supposed to name a positive to this film to be objective, but to be honest this film did not have one thing I could recommend to you guys and gals. The acting was lazy, and so one note that they seemed to have the same emotional range no matter what was happening, and the action scenes tried to come across as cool and cutting edge, and they were as inspiring as a toothache.

Have you ever watched a film, and you cannot seem to get into it no matter how hard you try? This is that film for me; I did not want to dislike this film, hell I do not want to dislike any film I watch. I mean, if I dislike something why even bother watching all of it or any of it? A film like this I would not know who could watch this film and find anything redeemable about it. I mean the few action scenes you do get, were so poorly shot that you just sit there and roll your eyes with it. This is my second film in a week, when I know I am supposed to rank it 1 to 10 but I feel is not even worthy of a 0.