VHS Thursday: An SS Beast, Aliens, Robots, and a Woman Who Will Love You to Death

British alien exploitation piece about a man that’s taken away from his wife and little boy by a spacecraft, only to return three years later with some ‘changes.’ Strange things begin to happen. Toys move on their own and the son, Tony, is covered in blood while he’s sleeping but appears fine the next day, and women are giving birth to grown men. Oh and peoples heads are exploding…. Any way, the father Sam now plans on settling back in with the family he left behind but the wife, Rachel, has moved on and is now living with a photographer. It’s a very awkward situation, if I do say so myself. Before you know it, little Tony catches his father consuming his pet snake’s eggs which is weird right? But daddy makes the discomfort alright by sucking his neck and turning him into a vampire. Okay, he didn’t turn him into a vampire but isn’t that the way vampires procreate?

If this doesn’t sound weird enough, don’t worry. Just stay with me for a few more sentences. A midget clown and life sized G.I Joe are brought to life, a panther comes out of nowhere to kill those standing in the alien’s way, and a girl is turned into some sort of cocoon that lays eggs.

The film is widely known by B-Movie and exploitation fans along with VHS collectors, mainly for that infamous birth to a human being scene. What is it with these filmmakers mixing aliens, rape, and birth together? It’s nasty indeed but was falsely put on the ‘Video Nasty’ list when in all actuality, it never made it to the official list of 72 films.

Bernice Stegers (Kathy) is one of the most talented actors I’ve seen in these exploitative films from the past. It’s a shame too because she hasn’t had much of an acting career. Her performance in Macabre blew me away. It was quite a treat to see her as the lead actress in Xtro.

It has been called “pure trash” and stands accused of trying to capitalize on public interest in ET and lets be honest, that’s what it is. Roger Ebert even calls it an “ugly, mean-spirited and despairing thriller” that left him “thoroughly depressed.” Even the director calls the film “rubbish.” He admits that he was only trying to make the most disgusting film possible. That being said, it’s unique and weird enough for my fucked up mind and I to enjoy. Grab some popcorn, have a beer, and pop this bad boy into your VCR. It’s at least entertaining!

Really Weird Tales:
This is what I love about VHS hunting. It’s like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get. This dark comedy certainly has its moments but for the most part, it’s just silly nonsense. It’s an over-the-top homage to The Twilight Zone.

Three shorts from SCTV are crammed into this video tape with a well balance cast and straight up bizarre story lines. The first segment features the very weird Martin Short. Short portrays a dorkish lounge singer that every body loves and works for what looks like a replica of the Playboy mansion. The mansion doesn’t appear to be what it seems and mutiny is afoot. It has a fun twist ending.

The second segment is my least favorite. John Candy is an alien with blue lipstick that comes to a town to try and make them rich? I didn’t quite understand what was going on here. None of it made any sense to me and I couldn’t wait for the story line to finish. The acting was still pretty amazing though and why wouldn’t it be? It’s John Fucking Candy. RIP.

The third segment was by far my favorite starring Catherine O’Hara, who I LOVE. She plays a young girl living in a convent amongst nuns that are terrified of her and treat her terribly, for a good reason. This young lady has special powers. Any time she feels love for someone, that person explodes. Imagine how hard that would be? You could never get close to any one. Your life’s mission is to piss everyone off. The nuns kick her out and she gets an apartment and a job only to find that it’s too hard not to love anyone. Turns out, there is a way around this pesky curse but it may not work out in her favor….

The host, Joe Flaherty never really made it ‘big time.’ His filmography consists of several small roles. The funny thing is, when watching this tape, I had no idea who he was but he looked soooo familiar. *Light bulb* He was that guy in Happy Gimore screaming JACK ASS every time Adam Sandler tried to tap the ball. Or whatever the word is for golf. I don’t know these things. He was also the priest in Detriot Rock City that gets high on shrooms and thinks the boys are talking to his nose.

The Beast in Heat:

Ah, perhaps one of the worst films on the infamous Video Nasty list. If anyone thought Xtro was disgusting and crude then they obviously haven’t seen THIS! This is another exorcise in bad taste. Completely wretched cinema and wasted film. One has to wonder what deranged mind comes up with this nonsense. It’s one of many Nazi exploitation films from the 70s and the worst of its kind.

An evil SS female officer, in Ilsa She Wolf fashion, has created a beast that she keeps caged up and throws numerous Jewish girls into the cage only for the beast to rape and torment them. He even eats one girls pubic hairs and vagina. It’s quite disgusting. There’s even a seen where Nazi soldiers toss a baby up into the air and shoot at it.

The film takes stock footage from several documentaries with bad picture. Salvatore Baccaro was convincing enough to play the beast without make up which means, he is one ugly man beast.

Recommended for the sick and die hard collectors only. This isn’t for everyone. My review here may be short but it’s only because I have reviewed this film dozens of times and I still need to recover from giving it my attention last night. Just terrible. If you want a decent Nazi-exploitation film, see The Gestapo’s Last Orgy.