Movie Review-Snow Shark

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This title will be released on February 19, 2013.

I always love it when I feel indie films are scratching the bottom of the barrel, either the result is going to be bat shit insane fun, or it is going to be awful to the point that you want to shut it off half way thru and never remember that experience again. Snow Shark, let’s be honest you have to almost know what you are getting into when you watch this. I have watched enough made for television SyFy originals that anything thrown my way I have developed a tolerance for. This film is bad, so bad that it is unwatchable. This film is all computer generated from the ridiculous shark stuff to the blood. The dialogue in this film is not fun like campy or cult; it is bad as in very bad. There is a scene where a victim is yelling for help, and someone comes to help him let’s share this dialogue. “Who did this to you”, man replies “A snow shark” the other guy replies, “You are not making any sense”. Oh this dialogue is throughout this film. The Mayor has one of his minions come in and want to tell him about the disappearance of some local people in the middle of the woods, and when he does the Mayor looks at him and says, “Who asked for your opinion”. The Mayor’s first words to him when he came in the room were only what is going on.

So the film opens up in 1999 when three people are in the woods during winter to see why all the animals are all of a sudden disappearing. Dr. Hoffman who looks like the guy at the end of the bar who spews nonsense before the announcement of last call, and a girl and a guy who are just as clueless as he is, are in the woods and all of a sudden each of them meet their demise with Snow Shark. This film is about as fun as a funeral for a loved one. There is this part that happens in the middle of winter to everyone I know, when a bunch of people go outside in a Jacuzzi who cannot go inside their own house to use the bathroom but will go in wet clothes in the woods in the middle of winter and snow with no shoes to go pee. Then you got the rebel teens who sneak their parents liquor to go right out the door in the middle of winter to get drunk, and just stuff like that this film just gives you character on top of character with no rhyme or reason and they all get themselves in these dumb situations where the fin comes thru the snow to get them. And why does this fin not leave some kind of trail in the snow? As you can tell the film is atrocious, from the bad acting to some of the worst script I heard in a while. The film does not even qualify as bad syfy fodder, it is below that if you can imagine that. If I waited another few weeks to do my worst list of 2012, this would have made that list easily. This concept sounds like it would be so fun and give you some cheese fun; this film is boring, eye rolling bad and remote muting awful. I am ashamed to even admit I watched this film. I am a sucker for shark films, because I am obsessed with sharks. But, for every Bait I get to see, there are Psycho Sharks, Snow Sharks, New Jersey Sharks, and 2 Headed Sharks that I punish myself watching and expecting them to be decent just off the premise. This film really will be remembered at the end of 2013 for sure, I think I am now scarred on shark indie films for a long while. This is bad and unwatchable even for a small budget indie film.

0 out of 10