Coming to Home Video Feb. 19th
Lake Noir is the story of a group of friends who go camping in Lake Harris. We learn as the film begins the past of this lake, as we watch a guy named Cesar get beaten down with a bat because a jealous boyfriend sees him with his ex-girlfriend. So, the opening minutes of this film we watch this beat down happen, with one guy teeing off on Cesar with a bat the other directing traffic and a third who is raping the ex-girlfriend. So we fast-forward to present day and 8 people want to go and hang out at Lake Harris not knowing its past. Of course one of the kids will have a mother who knows the history and will forbid her daughter to go, but she still sneaks out to go anyway. This film has all the clichÃ©s, the far trip in the middle of nowhere, the local who everyone will think is crazy that warns them about what is at the lake, and they will of course not listen. This film has one major problem, it is so slow and long that it takes around 65 minutes till we get a kill, and when we get that kill, it sort of makes us wish we did not stick around to see it. I mean if your ideal of a good film is watching a bunch of people act stereotypical and just keep going around in the same circles to try and keep building something that just seems to be going nowhere, then this is your film.
The film while it does skimp on the horror element, it did not skimp on the skin element. It gives you a lot of Mr. Skin moments to brag about, but those little moments did not help this film with all its issues. I can take some conversation, I can take some of the bad humor and the clichÃ© dialogue, but fuck you are going into a 91 minute film and not giving us any kind of blood or horror till almost the end, and when you get to it, it really is lame and does not even give the watcher a feeling that they were glad they stuck it out to watch it. How much dialogue in one film do we need with a bunch of guys trying to get laid? Not over an hour of it. And half of the kills happened off screen and the ones that happened on screen I wish were shown off. And the ending which I will not spoil, was just plain stupid. It went against what this whole film was telling us would happen. And how many times does the old crazy man in town have to tell that same story and it seemed that the story the old man was telling kept changing and when we finally did get to see the secret of this lake, I would rather have him stick to the story and letting me assume what is in that water.
Lake Noir has moments here and there that could be ok I guess to a point, but as a whole this film is just so long winded and thinks the lack of direction and horror goodies can be made up with nudity, but it is such a cheap way to keep interest, I wish this film would have gave us so much more than it did and in the end, I will never go to Lake Noir.
2 out of 10