VHS Thursday: Special 555 Edition

VHS Thursday is back with Rebekah Herzberg showing you the way through a VHS wonderland. This time around, I made a special 555 edition. Five VHS films beginning with the obscure and hard to find 555! Enjoy.

Known as one of the most difficult VHS films to get your hands on and I use to have a copy. If you do find a copy, you’re probably going to be paying around 50 bucks for it. The best part about this straight to video trash is the cover art and pink slipcase. I think this is the only reason VHS collectors seek it so badly. I will say this about 555, it’s nowhere near as bad as Death Nurse.

The editing is poor. The acting isn’t any better. The sex and rape scenes are laughably bad. The story line is completely unoriginal. A psycho is running amuck, killing couples mid-coitus then raping the corpses for five nights every five years. There are your usual dumb ass detectives trying to solve the case and a nosey reporter, who looks like my mom, that is trying to get the inside scoop. I don’t know what the hell is going on with the killer’s wardrobe. He is suppose to be dressed as a hippie I guess. “Viewing may cause severe damage to your brain cells.”  You got that right.

This was the only film ever made by Wally Koz and he’s no longer with us so I guess I can kiss contacting him goodbye. His brother Roy Koz wrote and acted in the film. That’s the thing about shitty 80s videos. People put little effort into their films and stick their best friends and family members in their films, much like Death Nurse. It’s not all bad. It’s gory as fuck and the effects aren’t too bad. There’s a great decapitation scene like shown on the cover of the box. There’s plenty of nudity and gore to keep the fans happy.

I am told that Massacre Video released 555 on DVD with very little extras. Interviews with some of the cast can be found in the extras.

Notably and arguably one of the worst films ever made – It’s still no match in the running for worst film against every Uwe Boll film ever made. The plot is ludicrous. It still has more character, depth, and artistic merit than any Uwe Boll film. This Satanic bed doesn’t exactly “eat” people. It forms this yellowy-acid foam stuff that eats away at it’s unsuspecting victims while making strange moaning sounds and giving them vivid nightmares. I guess you could say in a way it does eat it’s victims.

One scene I found hard to watch was the necklace, throat cutting scene with spectacular sound effects. Even though this rubbed me the wrong way, it’s still asinine. There’s no way that girl wouldn’t have woken up while she was dreaming about eating insects. They exaggerated on the blood… Just a little. There’s no way in hell that much blood would come out. Speaking of blood, the blood in this film looks like red paint. This isn’t exactly uncommon from the 70s. I much prefer red paint than ketchup.

In the end, the male lead stabs the bed (LOL) and loses his hands in the process. The skeletal remains are still intact but all the meat is gone. He gazes upon his hands in skeletal form without any emotion showing what kind of pain he is in. You would think he would be screaming his fucking head off or crying. Titty sprinkles.

This bed is also a fucking pervert which means there’s an abundance of naked chicks.

Say what you will about this cheese factory but it was one of the most rented VHS from my brothers and I at our local video store. Blockbusters didn’t even have a copy. It was one of those super-fantastic Mom and Pop video stores that I am always talking about. It may not be a classic like the original Rock N Roll High School with PJ Soles and The Ramones but it’s still a lot of fun and I cherish my copy.

Due to Corey Feldman’s drug problems in the early 90s, it went straight to video without a theatrical release. Feldman takes the lead as the hottest guy in school who is the lead singer of the band The Eradicators and he dresses like Michael Jackson. His band mates are also pretty cool. Stella, the only chick, plays the guitar and she’s actually a very attractive lady that gets picked on for being prettier than the ugly popular girls with moles, Margaret and Whitney. Their boyfriends Bob and Donovan are a couple of pussies. Namrock, the token Asian, plays the bass. He doesn’t get as many lines as the rest of the cast but he does deliver one of the best quotes from the film, “Hey, this no my pee!” Jones, the token black guy, plays the keyboard and is skilled with computers. Then we have Mag on the drums who dates a witch and looks an awful lot like Corey Haim.

On Rock N Roll High School day, the day where the school is blown to pieces, the gang is at it again but a new Principle, Dr. Vadar, is not having any of that. She builds a security fence around the school, has a claw instead of a hand, and two dim wit lackeys that carry out her dirty work. These dudes are also pretty aggressive with the boom mic.

I could ramble on about this film for hours so I will have to write a full review on my blog. In short, The Eradicators want to play at the prom but they have to get past the evil Dr. Vadar. Oh and there’s also a gross love story between one of the substitute teachers and Corey Feldman’s character. He may be 18 but he’s still a high school student you pedophile. This film has a great cast and hilarious dialogue but it’s lacking in the music department. Nowhere near as good as The Ramones.

There are very few reviews on the web for this fun flick. They’re all negative and I don’t know why. So Angel looks completely different and it’s a different actress? So is Bruce Wayne and James Bond in almost every film belonging to those two franchises. I am also quite fond of Betsy Russell, who I remember riding a horse topless in Private School. Quick story before I return to my review: When I was a little girl, I was fond of Phoebe Cates and saw a VHS copy of “Private School” for sale at the video store. I told my dad I wanted it. He said, “No Rebekah. It’s RATED-R!” Oh yea, did I mention that I use to be a spoiled brat? I was a daddy’s girl. So I got my VHS copy of Private Parts and my mother came across it while she was snooping around in my room. She got so upset, she called my father and screamed at him. She kept the film hidden in her room for several months after. I would sneak in and show it to my friends. I am getting way off topic here. Back to Angel! The new lead actress also plays Jigsaw’s wife in the Saw franchise. In Angel, she has graduated from college, reformed hooker, and now has a law degree and when she isn’t studying law she’s running on the track. Nice hair. So the cop that turned her around in the first film is murdered and she must avenge his death.

Susan Tyrell is the best part about this film but her slouching and sneering gets on my nerves. She did that same thing in Nightmare Maker but in Cry Baby, she stood up straight. Debi Sue Voorhees shows the goods and she is only 13 in the film. I don’t know how old the actress was in real life but it’s pretty obvious she wasn’t 13. She was far too prominent to be that young. I also have to point out that she had some of the most perfect breasts I had ever seen in a horror film and made the list of the most perfect breasts in a horror film which you can see on my blog. Is it creepy when an actress plays a 13-year-old and you see them naked? Sure, she’s of age in real life but in the film you think she’s only 13-years-old.

This piece of crap is what I like to call “false advertising.” The cover was an obvious tactic to make a few bucks but there are no flesh eating zombies present in the film. It reminded me of Pet Semetery, but just a little and nowhere near as good and scary for that matter. There are these zones called “K Zones” where the dead come back to life. It even had an ending much like the ending in Pet Cemetery. Am I the only one that couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on? The plot was a little confusing.

The acting was actually pretty good. The director, Pupi Avati,  also directed House With the Laughing Windows, as film I have desperately been trying to get my hands on. If any of my readers have a copy and want to get it off their hands, please let me know.

The best part about watching this VHS was the awesome trailer after the credits. Other than that, I was greatly disappointed.

I hope you enjoyed my list this week and return back to VHS Thursdays! See you next Thursday….