Movie Review-The Loved Ones

Horror fans are an odd mix, you either have fans that love when horror goes into new territory and embrace it fully. And you have the others, who have to have the same old stuff over and over stuff, and love when their favorite films have those high numbers behind the title. 2 years ago, I was witness to this film called The Loved Ones, while most of us will always associate this film with that trailer that basically gave you the whole film in the period of 90 seconds. A lot of critics got on top of their stages and praised this film to the high heavens and the hype was so unreal, that when I watched it, I felt like I watched the wrong film. This film could not be what they were hyping up so huge?

When I first heard the news or better yet got the press release that Paramount was putting out this film, I was speechless. Then I started to think about history, and they released the other shelved overhype horror film Case 39 a while back, and then it made sense. So, after two years after my first watching, I got the official release and had another crack at this film knowing what it will offer and be about, so does my opinion still stay the same?

The plot is fairly simple, Brent is the popular boy at school and Lola is a hermit, who has an obsession, crush on him. When he does not accept her invitation to the prom, she snaps and abducts him. Along with her father, they torture the guy with his prom tux on. If you have seen just one torture film in the last decade, you have seen what this film offers. In terms of brutality, this film delivers it somewhat. It gives you many scenes that will make you want to look away, I mean look at the cover art, you know this is going to be very fucked up and bloody but we seen it all before. Half way thru the film we learn that Brent is not the only one that has been the victim of Lola, and there were others that she keeps trapped in the basement. That is when the film just went from done to death to absurd. Again, this film is not a really bad film; it is just a film that really offers nothing new to the genre and comes across uninspired. I mean if you loved films like Hostel 3 and raced out to see Resident Evil 11, you will be the crowd for this film. If you watched Hostel and thought, “I bet this concept will be beat into the ground”. You are not the crowd for this film. The characters were bland, and I mean who wants to see the high school popular kid who comes across as fake and non-caring not hurt and dismembered? You made such a mistake with making Lola the sympathetic character, where more people can relate to her and her pain, and want to see her get revenge. That is not saying that the character of Lola was well acted, she came across as so bland, and that when she tries to be serious you just roll your eyes or laugh. This film is unrated, and had major studio love and I just wish it would have gone for it, give us a shot, hit us with what you got. This film just felt so content with painting in the lines and not trying to establish its own identity.

Again, I am left with the same feeling after my second watching in two years, what is all the hype about? I get Paranormal Activity, even though I personally am not a fan, I can see why people could get behind the film and series. But, this film I do not get it, sure the blood and gore is ok but shit it has been done how many times now, the same exact shit. What does this film offer that has never been done before? And better yet, what does this film offer that was not done way better before? I think the true Loved Ones are the ones who skip this film. This is sure as shit not worth 20.00 to buy it, or even 5.00 to rent it. If it is in Redbox maybe a dollar that is fair this film is worth 4 quarters. My question is easy, where is Poughkeepsie Tapes and All the Boys Love Mandy Lane? This film is the equivalent of bands like Nickleback and Creed. Films like this upset me, because as a horror fan when I hear a film hyped up, I want to watch a film that will just kick my ass. I want to get that experience that I have to go run and tell people that this film kicked ass. Films like The Loved Ones is the reason why you see all these old horror films get rereleased for theater runs and being released on blu ray finally. Because almost 60 percent of today’s horror films suck so bad that they are killing the genre. If anyone tells you this is a good film and you need to own it, just politely tell them you have seen Hostel, and seen the 90 second trailer.

6.5 out of 10