VHS Review: Abducted

Those of you who have been following my work for years should know by now that I am the all knowing, all powerful, almighty VHS collector and Prism Video happens to be one of my favorite distribution companies because their covers are some of the most artistically beautiful and colorful covers I have ever seen. DVD cannot compete with this! However, no matter how wonderful this VHS cover may be, the film is total crap. I searched for it for years only because I enjoyed the cover and felt it deserved a spot in my Prism collection. That and I wanted to review the film. This version is dark and hard to see but the asking price on the internet for this baby is 50 dollars and I’m not selling mine. The cover is simply too sexy to leave my shelves. People have said, “Don’t listen to the naysayers, this is a great flick!” We all have our own opinion as to what’s a good horror film or not. I wouldn’t call Abduction a horror film but I also wouldn’t call it a great flick. On a lighter note, there were zero scratches on my copy and very little grain. The beautiful Canadian scenery is breathtaking and the best element featured. It’s said to be based on a true story but nobody can seem to find who it is based on. However, the plot alone coincides with several disastrous true crime stories that happen all over the world. A female jogger is having a nice, therapeutic run when a certifiable unhinged mountain man abducts her and takes her away to his lovely home. I mean cabin, where he plans to provide and take care of her. RAPE! He lives with his father who is played by Grizzly Adams, Dan Haggerty believe it or not. I swear I am not making this up. No mother figure seems to be in sight so it’s just father and son living in the mountains. Grizzly Adams tells Renee that  he and his son live out in the wild to keep him away from other people. To teach his son how to hunt and survive. No more prison or foster homes. This makes the viewers wonder what really happened to the mother, unless I missed something, and what Vern’s problem may be. Why was he in and out of prison and foster homes? With the exception of Grizzly Adams, the performances are pretty laughable. Lawrence King-Phillis as ‘Vern’ aka ‘Crazy Mountain Dude’ was a bold choice. It had to be some of the worst acting I have ever seen. It falls flat. Vern is in need of some serious counseling. He is sexually repressed and in desperate need of a shower, among other things. He’s shaggy and unkempt and I’m willing to bet his balls smell. Roberta Weiss as ‘Renee’ aka ‘The Jogger’ was not horrible by any means but her performance was pretty unspectacular along with the T&A. There was no T&A! This movie claims to be an exploitation film and judging by the misleading cover you would think so but it’s pretty tame. We only get to see her in her panties by the very end of the film. There is a rape scene that takes place between her and her capture Vern but it’s an odd scene. I’m not even sure they had sex? He couldn’t get past the bra. What was he doing on top of her? Smelling her hair and crying? For food, Vern enjoys taking eggs out of their nests and sucking them dry. Gross. The director tried too hard to focus on the intensity and emphasis along with close ups of the character’s eyes and he inevitably failed.

There are so many things about this film I disagree with. For one, there’s not much character development or back ground stories on the characters to go on. Second, when Vern first captures Renee, he only grabs her by the hair weaponless and pulls her away. She had several chances to kick him in the balls but didn’t. He does eventually start slapping the shit out of her which makes me questions what manners this boy has been taught by his father. The dialogue is quite poor and laughable but it was the 80s so I try to give it an exception for that. The most laughable dialogue for me was when Vern was screaming at Renee while she was attempting to escape. He kept screaming, “RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!” I choked on my corn. It was that good. At one point, Renee almost dies but Verne saves her. This is proof that he is not going to kill her. He wanted her alive so she should have tried continuously to escape from this man. I recommend repeated kicks to the gnarls. Stomping may also cause some damage. She also had sooo many chances to shoot him. I actually started yelling at my television, “JUST SHOOT THE BASTARD ALREADY!” My opinion, worst abduction ever. This isn’t exploitation, this is Lifetime.

“Out here in the bush, is dangerous.”

“Wine and music my ass.”