Movie Review-The Texas Frightmare line up-Father’s Day, Naked Horror, Doll Boy,Nailbiter, Nail Gun Massacre and Bloody Bloody Bible Camp

If the line up of guests does not get you, maybe some of these films will. Now keep in mind, there are a lot more films playing this year, but I have yet to experience most of them. Plus, all you Texas people who email me and say, ” hey how can I see that film or this film”. Well, not only is this a chance for you to see these films, but to get to hang out and meet a lot of cool people. So if you have no plans this weekend and if you do, cancel them.

Not only do you get to see this on the big screen, but a few of the guys will be at the showing. Holy fuck, how can you pass this up.

Plot-Ahab, a man obsessed with exacting a brutal, violent revenge on the man who murdered his dad, joins John, an eager priest and Twink, a hot-headed street hustler on an epic quest to find and defeat this mythical monster known as Chris Fuchman AKA The Father’s Day Killer. This is the Astron-6 believe the fucking hype. Believe the hype….

Review-March 2011…”I just witnessed this trailer for a film called Father’s Day. Troma seem to say it is a fake trailer, but holy fuck could this film work. Astron-6, whoever they are, I am in. I just witnessed the future of Troma Entertainment”.
April 2012, I know now that Astron-6 are not only the future of Troma, they are the future of film. I for one, am sick of the fake films that try to be hip and call themselves a ” grindhouse” film. This is truly not only a grindhouse film, but is the front runner for 2012′s best film. This is the new day at Troma, and along with films like K.I.L.L., Klown Kamp Massacre and now the fucking Astron-6′s Father’s Day..Troma is not only back, they are ready to take film to a new level yet again. This film is just over the top in its approach. Fuchman raping and killing fathers, is both graphic and also so hilariously cruel, that you cannot turn away. This film is so non apologetic and so graphic. Almost like Troma is flipping off the Hollywood system, with this big fuck you to the modern cineplex entertainment junk. Father’s Day is both gutsy and ballsy, in its material and just absurdity. There is not a chance, this film is not affraid to take.

Amy Groening as Chelsea, if you are familiar with Todd and the Book of Pure Evil, she plays Lacey. She reminded me of a young Rose McGowan. Amy has breakout star written all over her, and when you watch this film, you will agree. Besides her sex appeal, she also plays against the bimbo stereotype. She plays a bad ass stripper who would rather kick your ass then talk to you. She is the perfect character to play against The Astron-6 guys. Where their style is either offensive humor or very graphic gore. She brings a beauty to the chaos. This film has no problem offending the viewer, but also does it in a way, that it also entertains you as well. Matthew Kennedy as Father John Sullivan, is to religion what Leslie Neilson was to being a detective. His deadpan style is just so silly, that you try not to laugh, and you cannot help it. Adam Brooks as Ahab, is almost like a Machette character. To watch the two character feed off each other in this film, just works. It is like two absurdities that just feel right and work well off each other. The film starts off by telling you, Ahab killed the Fuchman character. But, as the film goes on, we are not so sure. And when, Twink’s dad is dead, is when Father John goes hunting for the recluse Ahab.

This film parodies a lot of films we are familiar with, and when you think it will be a full parody, will end the scene with something out of the blue or just plain absurd. It was refreshing to see a film just go for it, and not try to take itself serious. This film has no flaws. From start to end, this is what the fans are going to expect from the fucking Astron-6 guys. This is not the future of film, this is the now. This film will kick your ass, and have you from first frame to last, begging them to let your throat go. This film even has a commercial during the film. This is not the must see film of the year…This is the must see film of the decade. The Astron-6 are for real. Trust me….this not only lived up to the hype, it surpassed it. 2012 belongs to Astron-6…All hail the Astron-6 and the future of these guys is going to be huge.

10 out of 10

Not only will Doll Boy be playing, but Mr Billy Pon will be in person to sign stuff with his crew. And they are selling dvds for as low as 5.00 and all kinds of other fun swag, which is rumored to include the Mister Fister t shirt. Now, we did our own event to celebrate this dvd sale. Me and Char Hardin, got with Billy Pon to do a special director commentary for this film for you people who buy it, we will have it on the site for you to listen to while you watch this film. And also rumored you may get to see Billy dance, which could be worth the price of the ticket alone. Think Krush Groove meets Breakin 2.

Doll Boy

27 minutes

Directed by Billy Pon

First and foremost, thank you to Charley Hardin for the heads up about this film. This film is proof that Texas is starting to become a hotbed for horror films. The first thing I noticed when I started this short was the trailer reel. If any film in my lifetime has my name written all over it, it would be Mister Fister. That trailer alone is worth seeing this dvd. Get this budgeted. And it is rated PG. ( wait till you see what PG means..holy shit that is awesome, and original. I am so fucking in) Now onto the feature–This film almost had a Sweatshop meets 100 Tears vibe.

This film starts off with a clown, and he has this van and dumps 8 people who are bound and gagged in the back of the van, into this warehouse. When the van leaves the people start getting untied, and ungagged and think the worst is behind them and all they have to do is escape. Well, there is this psycho giant doll boy with a sledgehammer chasing after them and will not stop till all of them are dead . The Doll-Boy killer reminded me of the killer in Hills Run Red almost, I love this mask as well. And what follows is 8 people who have to run and hide and try to escape or stop this person.

This film is brutal, and non apologetic. You can tell the people involved with this are horror fans. Because, this is smart. They tried not to follow the basic done to death horror premises that films like this create. As a fan, I am so sick of seeing hollywood give me the same formula time after time in a repackaged box. But, as long as you fans are pouring money out your pockets for it, I cannot blame them for drying that well. But, this film was fun and is definitely worth the price of admission. There is a running gag with one of the characters looking for his expensive watch and the things he does to try and find that watch and escape. It was nothing short of genius. Whereas a lot of shorts who start off the bat with brutal or violence non stop seem to run out of gas before the finish line, this film just kept on delivering. I would love to see what Billy could do with a hollywood script and funding. This is clearly what the future of our genre needs more of.

I love obscure comedy in brutal horror. Just moments you sit there and know that you are not supposed to laugh and it is not meant for laughs but you just have fun with it. This film creates such a odd vibe of both uncomfort and just violence, that you just sit back and let this roller coaster entertain you..and this film is just that fun ride. I pray that Hollywood will put some cash in this man’s direction and give us a big screen version of Mister Fister. Or maybe a longer version of this.

This is proof that the future is not in Hollywood and all those shit remakes and dumb sequels…have faith fans indies are starting to take over…day by day…

9 out of 10

If you guys think Tucker and Dale vs Evil is so funny. Wait till you see what Vito did with Bloody Bloody Bible Camp. This may be the sleeper hit of the whole festival.

Plot-The year is 1977, and a group of so called christians are going to a weekend of fun at Happy Day Bible Camp. ( which the locals have called Bloody Bloody Bible Camp because of what happened to some other christians 7 years ago) Little do they know they are about to come face to face with Sister Mary Chopper.

Review-It is such a strange time right now for independent film makers. While most studios look toward what hollywood is putting out as the norm, films that dare to break away from the stereotype and push and mesh genres together, are always so hard to market. Where many moons ago, people either thought indie films were hollywood knockoffs, or small films starring stars from yesteryear that were not forgiven for that bad career advice they did not listen to. In the last few years with films like this, we are starting to learn that indie films are the alternative to what Hollywood wis to have you believe is entertainment and what a film is. A film like this serves many masters but caters to none of them at the same time. It is unconventional, controversial and highly entertaining for the most part. This film tackles a subject that the american population finds no humor in and that is religion. You can fuck with 9/11, make light of abortion, racism, tackle how bad america is and how stupid people are..and they will sit there like sheep and follow the film, but you take religion and make light of it or even in this film, just mock it to the point that people will get offended, people do not take to that lightly. And, that is sad, cause they will be missing a fun fucking film. This film will do for religious retreats what Klown Kamp Massacre did for clowns. This film is non apologetic and very over the top in both it’s amazing gore work and it’s very offensive and often perverted sense of inmature comedy. You have Reggie Bannister who plays a father, who takes his congregation on this field trip and you know from the get go that almost every one of these christians are not what they seem. Brother Zeke, steals every scene he is in. From his flat out delivery to the point that you just know, this guy has no business being part of anything religious. From staring at girls undressing, to smoking pot, to encouraging a fellow christian about getting women drunk to take advantage of them. Then, there is this overweight kid called Timmy, who you just know from the get go has some fucking major issues. ( And I pray, this is a act..but according to sources this character may be more real than fictional in the portrayal) From a scene where the other guys are giving him a hard time for having a boner cause it is a sin. In which he goes in a bathroom and does something that is truly out of some Todd Solondz script. Kudos to Vito for being ballsy with the scene and not caving in to some PC bs. This scene alone is the selling point as to what seperates this film from what hollywood sells you as comedy and cutting edge.

Then, there is Cinema Head Cheese scribe David C Hayes also in this film-I will be honest..this is the man’s best role to date. And all you Tucker and Dale fans, give him a shot. David really has fun as JJ. And, I loved his part as the finale started to unfold. That was flat out funny as all fuck. Now, the issues I had with this film. And, truly this film would have got a 10..if not for the last 10 minutes and one certain element- Ron Jeremy. Which i will not spoil. But, I have to mention something pertaining to it. Ron Jeremy was funnier in the trailer than the film. His 10 minutes just felt flat. And for a comedy/horror film that was gas to the pedal and trying so hard to establish itself as something as the alternative I felt the Jeremy part was stale and made them look like they felt they had to do it. I really hope on the set of this film a few of these guys had a chance to do couch time with a shrink, cause from Tim Sullivan, Matthew Aidan as the confused wanna be jock, Christopher Raff as Timmy and for Vito getting all this out of them in this film..they all have some issues that may need to be addressed. But, shit if this film was not amazingly fun for the most part. And Jessica Sonneborn is a star. And she has some of the most absurd one liners that really were not only flat out funny but so odd that you really sit there and feel for her bimbo character esp. when she finds out there may be loopholes in the bible, and one of them pertaining to Sodomy. And, in closing best opening sequence of the year…loved the opening credits. That alone would make me recommend this film….I think I need some couch time as well with a shrink..I am going to burn in hell for laughing so much and having fun with this film. This is a must see…..

8.5 out of 10

Plot-This 1985 classic revolves around a young girl who is gang raped by a crew of construction workers, someone starts killing off members of the group with a nail-gun.

Review-This is the first and only film that Terry Lofton ever directed. Before we talk about the film, let me discuss the bonus stuff. Trust me, it will help with the film and how you percieve it. Nailed is a 24 plus minute documentary that is more of a q and a with Terry from the store he filmed the grocery scene. To hear him talk about this film today ( well in 2005) he almost seems like he has several axes to grind. He talks about the joy of directing his first film, and the work that came with it..that some things slipped by and things he could not afford on the budget he had. He talks about all the critics that dismissed his film as being ” clueless to a point”. And I agree, I mean when people see a film like this, you almost know what to expect..why take the film so seriously? Then, we go on to the most obvious blurb ever. In the deleted scenes, because there was no volume he decides to do commentary. He attacks distributors as ( hinted on) being money grubbing that he was robbed and felt like he should have seen more money. Well, we at least know Magnum Entertainment was not the best partner you could have in that era. Now onto the film. So you know this film is ultra and I mean ultra low budget. Look at the title, so you know the acting is not going be on a DeNiro or Streep level. Why not have fun with this film? This film is a shut your brain off, and just relax and let the cheeziness of this film soak in. This film starts off with a rape scene, that was more odd than a usual rape scene..it almost looked like a saturday at the tractor pull. Then, we pull to a scene in the bedroom that for like a good three minutes a camera was focused on a woman’s breasts. Like they were going to talk. And there was the kills, oh man that was some fun stuff…and the sound of the nail gun. Oh lord, this film has cult classic written all over it. And the killer’s voice over sounded like they were in a recording studio. They have this sex scene that is taking place on a tree….yes a tree, cause she did not want to lay in a ant bed. A standing tree. The bad one liners of the killer, a scene where a chainsaw hacks off someone’s hand when he is shot with nails and the killer says..”are you falling to pieces over me” Get it..I love the doctor, he says he hates wearing white and quit wearing white, but he has a white t shirt on. Is he color blind? And the hitchhiker looked like old school Mike Reno of Loverboy. Get this two characters go on a date and the girl says ” take me somewhere nice”. And he takes her to this car hop sonic want to be that has a 1.19 grilled cheese special and that he has been banging the car hop chick. That in itself was priceless. And the sex scene in the car,and they get out and she says ” what if my mom drives down this road and sees us”. I mean look at what I was just pointing out, this movie is so funny silly, that why not watch it. I recommend this because it is just so cheezy and sleazy, why not?

7 out of 10

So, you are not so sure still about what this festival is offering. The blogs have this hero you may have heard of, his name is fucking Carlo Rodriguez. He has made some of the most fascinating art horror films to date. And, if this man was to be unleashed on the mainstream, he would be huge and fans would be praising his work like he is the second coming of great directors that need a break. Discover what the hype is about with Gothic Films.

Plot-Terror lurks in the dreams or reality of a young woman, who discovers that she is unsure what is real, dream or nightmare.

Review-Before, I review this film. I want to say to any critic, who sits there and bitches, that all horror movies these days feel the same. Complains on and on, and demands change or something different. And when they get that film, they either do not support it or wish it was more like this film or that film. Naked Horror may not be for you. This movie is a tough sell in some aspects. You have no dialogue for 30 minutes and the script, is only what 30 sentences in the whole movie. The movie focuses on Priya. She is part of a website called Naked Horror. Where people share their stories, or in this case Priya shares her stories of hallucinations, night terrors, and not being able to separate reality from the dreams. The opening credits have the website going thru words that Priya is dealing with while flashing images of Priya looking seductive. Which Priya does not fail at. The opening sequence of the movie, we get Priya dancing to some generic pop rock in her panties and long t shirt while making popcorn. Then immediately after, she sits down to watch Long Pig. (In case you did not know that is Carlo Rodriguez debut movie.) She falls asleep during the movie ( which may not be a good advertisement for the film), and starts having dreams about pissing, blood and being unsure what is going on or where she is, and why she is naked. Carlo Rodriguez, whether you like him or not, gets a lot of credit in my book. He has a odd style that works. He creates a gothic horror sexy. There are some scenes in this movie that are made for shock, but Priya oh my god she makes them seem like sexual. An hour into the movie, Priya wants to go to the source of the problems. Which was really full of some cool images and had some major balls for attempting. Also, while on the subject of ballsy, what a cool ending. This movie is nothing more than images meant to manipulate thought and create a perverted interest. Needless to say, they worked on both levels. The bathtub scene is so diabolically insane. Kind of like a manipulated cruelness, that many think religion has on people. I love to be challenged as a movie fan or critic. When someone presents something to me as different, I expect it to be different. And this was in many ways different. I did not mind the dialogue in the movie, though it really added nothing to the film, beside the fact, you know what they sounded like. I was hoping Priya would never talk, when she did it made her seem less effective. Like she was speaking words to shock. But, the images and art to this movie,I applaud. This movie lived up to its title and Carlo either has the actresses trust alot, or they have no idea just how much of their bodies would be shown. I have seen the future of indie film tonight… This is my new genre..art horror. This is a cool movie. Something tells me I will be seeing that end piece again soon.

8 out of 10

Patrick Rea, what else do you have to say? Nailbiter on the big screen at Texas Frightmare Weekend. Enough said..when over 50 bloggers are praising this man, and no matter what words you say about his genius, it has all been said and done to death. Patrick Rea is not the future of film, he is the right this minute.

Hitchcock was alive today, this is the film he would be putting out”

Plot-A mother and three daughters get caught up in a tornado and take shelter in a storm cellar. While trapped inside the cellar, they quickly discover that they are not alone.

Review-Patrick Rea, I first discovered thru his short films in August 2010.( If you have not seen a Patrick Rea short film, you are truly missing out on something amazing) This is a director who if The Twilight Zone was looking for ideas and fresh concepts they should call him up and fire up the series again. He is quite frankly one of the best new directors of 2012, with the film to beat in 2012. Patrick Rea is a very smart director, and he treats his audience with respect as well as the material. This is clearly a director who knows his limits, but what he lacks in budget, he truly makes up for in old fashioned suspense and tension. They did not call this Nailbiter because the title was catchy. This film is definately the edge of your seat, what is that noise, how will they make it out alive nailbiter. Patrick Rea, is becoming the second coming of Alfred Hitchcock. And I will go one further, if Hitchcock was alive today and making films..Nailbiter would be his latest creation. Like Hitchcock in his time, Rea is very familiar with what is what in the genre right now, and instead of caving in and succumbing to it, he is trying to revolutionize it and take old concepts and make them feel new. And with Nailbiter Patrick Rea created a film that may not change the genre overnight, but with any justice in this world of film, should put him on the map. To describe NailBiter would be like taking Rear Window and mixing it with the Descent. And that does not even begin to do this film justice. This film is so much more than a monster film, so much more than a suspense or family drama. This film is a masterpiece and should be on every critic and fans top ten list in 2012 easily. This film has so many twists and turns, and even hints along the way that it makes the audience pay attention. From the mom and her three kids on the road to go pick up dad, to the girls trying and avoid the tornado to them being trapped in a cellar. This film just creates such a tension, that you just want to fast forward so bad to see where it is all leading to. But, that is the fun of this film. It is like a christmas tree full of presents. Each one you get to, just makes you crave the next one and next one. This film from start to finish had me entertained,from the script to the characters there is not one flaw in this film. This film deserves a audience. If Bravo puts out another ” Top 100 horror films of all time” show, like they seem to do once a year ( lord does number one film of all time change every time they do that show)this film should be on the list. This is Patrick Rea, wait till you guys see Nailbiter, you will not be let down.

10 out of 10