Fathers Day: Get an Abortion!

The Fuchmanicus can use your seed to rebirth himself for another generation, stronger than ever before! From the demoralized and crude minds of Astron-6 and Troma Entertainment, I would like to introduce one of the most hilarious and mind-bending films I have seen, at least in the past decade. Father’s Day is an homage to Grindhouse exploitation cinema. Like all the others, it’s completely over the top, unstable, and seizure inducing . If you’re not into exploitation then you may want to skip out on this entry. You must have a sense of humor and a strong stomach. It’s possible that while the majority of us are laughing like hyenas, others simply may not ‘get it.’ To be honest, I haven’t seen many recent Troma films I enjoyed. Chainsaw Sally being one of those I enjoyed along with Father’s Day. There seems to be a lot of drama going on with the film critics reviewing this piece. Many of them are accused of being homophobes due to their comments and warnings on the male rape. I didn’t think the male rape was all that shocking. Maybe I have seen it all. Maybe I am just sick. Who knows? All I know is, the rape scenes are quick and edited to where we only catch glimpses of hardcore ball knocking. I found the incest to be more disturbing even though the sex scene was pretty hot. You may be wondering if the screen shot below is absolutely necessary. Yes. Yes it is.

What the fuck is an Astron-6?
They’re five friends madly in love with film. In return, I am madly in love with these sick individuals. The name Astron comes from their love and nostalgia for one of my favorite VHS distributors, Vestron. According to their website, they all met at a film festival and decided that they should make horror films together. They actually take turns writing, acting, and directing their films. If any of the members of Astron-6 happens to be reading, keep up the good work! It’s people like you that keep my faith in horror.

Now lets get down to the storyline. This review contains several spoilers. A vigilante (Ahab) will stop at nothing to hunt down and kill a father raping cannibal named Chris Fuchman (pronounced Fuck-Man LOL) who raped and murdered his own father and left him with one eye. After serving a 10 year prison sentence for killing the wrong man, Ahab, his stripper sister, a possibly homosexual priest, and the appropriately named ‘Twink’ join forces to put a stop to Chris Fuchman. Chelsea was raised by nuns and Ahab was raised by priests. Ahab and his sister Chelsea were separated at a young age but that still doesn’t make incest okay. You can tell from the erotic introduction of Chelsea that Ahab already had impure thoughts of his sister. Just when you think the roller coaster ride to hell is over, IT’S NOT! We get a ride straight into hell. I think the main problem with the film is the ending with heaven and hell. The Satanic cult and the chanting was too much for me. I wonder if the film could have stood on its own had Fuchman been a regular person and not a demonic entity trapped in a fat bastards body. However, the random ghost woman popping out of nowhere was a scream. The fabulous trio of suicide was also a plus. Astron-6 agglomerated as much anarchy and farcicality as they could in this boiling entry.  As suspected, there’s so much humor thrown at us; strippers with chainsaws and so many schlong shots and penile detachments, I lost count. There’s a lovely massacre at the strip club and some comical dialogue where the dying stripper wants a kiss from Ahab, “No! Gross! Why?” She gets her ‘kiss’ while blood is flooding from her gob. There’s a fake trailer for a Star Wars ripoff called Star Raiders that I quite enjoyed. What’s with the maple syrup? “Maybe now you’ll take me syrupsly!” That’s holy maple syrup, my bad. It has the power to shrink gargantuan demons. The talking jacket would have been cooler had it been using Billie Dee William’s voice, don’t you think? The toxic berry scene had me cracking up but I’d like to know the significance of the red dress. There’s a random, WTF! THERE’S A BEAR scene. Then we have the most hilarious part of the film, the death of Fuchman. Ahab stomps his head in with glee and throws his body over the pier with excitement! I was disappointed in the strippers poll dancing abilities. I wanted to see some tricks that had me questioning how in the world it’s possible. Some flexibility. It was pretty unspectacular even though Chelsea was a bomb shell. There’s a moment in hell where Astron-6 tips its hat to Princess Leia in the gold bikini, pulling on the chain attached to the disgusting, fat slob of a creature. It’s obvious they’re Star Wars fans.

How about that bad ass intro? It’s colorful and reminiscent of the 80s VHS era. The acting is poor in some places. This is Grindhouse we are talking here so it doesn’t bother me. If anything, the poor acting added to the humor and that’s what they’re going for. Adam Brooks stole the show as Ahab. I found myself strangely attracted to him and his one eye. Chris Fuchman’s look was nothing short of spectacular. The frame of his glasses and choice clothing. He looked like your typical, perverted child molester, only he likes older men. Mackenzie Murdock is the name of the actor performing as Fuchman and my mind had been blown as soon as I found out that he is younger than me! It’s so hard not to laugh every time they say Fuchman and Fuchmanicus. They never explain why he only goes after dads. I wanted to know this and don’t tell me he doesn’t use lube. He just rams his phallus in so easily like it aint no thang.  Amy Groening and Conor Sweeney delivered fine performances as a younger male prostitute and a stripper. Brent Neale’s performance as the dirty cop was a little too much for me. I’ve seen better acting from the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. I wasn’t surprised to see that they chose Lloyd Kaufman as the devil and God. As much as I love Lloyd Kaufman, and I do, I could have gone without that part. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing but mad, MAD love for my fellow Jew and brilliantly exploitative film-maker. I just feel the film could have stood on its own without heaven and hell. Anything the feature is lacking is made up for with the visual styling and top notch special effects. Considering the low budget they were working with, it’s almost unbelievable how much they could pull off. The blood shed was beautiful with copious amounts of intestines flying around. The shot gun blasts were also a hoot. We have Jeremy Gillespie to thank for that magnificent score. Father’s Day gets its fair share of 80’s synthesizer music reminiscent of John Carpenter, much like Sweatshop. Throw in the classic church organ and some heavy rock and you got yourself the perfect soundtrack. You can bet your sweet ass that I’ll be checking out more of Astron-6’s work. You boys certainly know your way to a pregnant woman’s heart.

Additional Quotes:

“You guys are siblings!”

“Get an abortion!”

And if anyone gives a shit, this is one of my favorite Vestron Video covers….

  • I had that dvd. Death Warmed Up..that is Blyth..who did Wound. I gave that to Jeff at CHC for review, because he is such a die hard fan of that film.