Movie Review-Metal Shifters

Coming to both dvd and blu ray this tuesday

Plot-Originally titled Iron Invader. Alien bacteria crashes in a small town courtesy of a meteorite and infects a metal statue called a golem. One thing leads to another and now a small town of Redeemer is in for the terror of this 17 to 18 feet monster who is made up of a ton of scrap metal and alien bacteria. If it smells like syfy it just may be.

Review-With Syfy made for tv movies, you almost know what to expect. And, to give the film a bad review almost insults a critic. You can watch the trailer and know how bad this film could be, or how cheesy fun it could be. That is the plus about this brand of film that Syfy does,it does not hide what it is in previews or bs anyone. God is the acting in this film unwatchable to the point of past awful. The characters range from boring to boringly hokey. But, in all the bad..there is one positive that sort of carries this film. And that is the Golem. I loved the monster feel of the scenes when it is chasing people or walking down a street. If I heard one more time in this film…” It’s not a machine..it’s a Golem”. They must have said that line around 35 times. The story of lack of, focuses on main character Jake. When one day when Jake and his brother Ethan, sees Jake’s lost love Amanda, talk about some of the most absurd to awkward dialogue. And of course, Amanda has to have that teen Twilight wanna be daughter, who thinks the town is so boring…and then later will fall for some local boy. Yawn. And, what is with that dialgoue between Amanda and Jake’s brother Ethan. That scene, made it look like they were sleeping together and only used Jake’s name as a backdrop. They really did not sell the scene they were trying to sell which was how much Jake missed her and saved himself for her return. Instead it led me to think if there is more happening than we know between Amanda and Ethan. Boy, would that have made this film a tad better, if Jake caught his brother with her when he is so love torn and lost without her, that would have ruled then made the Golem a killing machine himself to kill his brother, I would have loved that concept a lot more than this one. But, of course all the girls in town want Jake. Who is so carefree, and clean cut almost like a Tim Tebow example to all you young kids. Yawn.. And he saved himself for 16 years for this return he had no idea of. Yawn. And that old kook down the road Earle has this jewish scarecrow protector, the golem. And one day when a satellite falls from the skies, the brothers Ethan and Jake retrieve it and sell it to scrap collector Earle And sure enough, the lava or juice oozing out the meteorite goes into the golem and he is now a killing machine. And, the way these people who die, was sort of cool to a point. One touch, and the body is infected with so much bacateria that your body will shut down while it robs you of the iron and metals in your blood. Cause, metal attracts this robot. Like a vampire almost…

I liked the concept and the monster/robot..but it could not save this film from the acting, and script. Which were so bad and just laughable. This is from the director of last month’s reviewed film Ice Quake. Which I liked a lot more than this one, because it was just cheese and knew it was, and had fun with it. It almost made itself entertaining while parodying itself. This film, on the other hand was laughable and just plain and simple a waste of time. I would say skip it, but that would be a shame…the creature was cool as all hell. What a wasted opportunity..so watch it for the 20 to 23 minutes you get of the creature. And mute the rest.

3 out of 10