Burlesque Massacre review

Timberwolf Entertainment give us their take on late night Cinemax ( or as we called it when we were kids Skinomax) horror. This is the story of Crystal and John. Thru flashbacks we learned that Crystal was molested by her dad. Until John killed him. Which started a love affair between brother and sister. Do not worry they do not talk much about it. But, they do show a lot about it. Crystal is a burlesque dancer who has a troupe of women or fellow dancers she gets to stay with her before they start their tour. And a crazed psychopath is targeting each one of them.

This is the Marie Lynn vehicle, which you get her for 3 minutes. Thru a flashback scene, who stands around and watches John and Crystal have sex. So this is the part where I am supposed to trash the film and tell you how bad it is and the acting was awful and do not see this ever. But, you know what, this film was fun. I mean almost every female in this film was completely nude, except for Marie Lynn. The acting was not as bad as you would think. I mean the script is a joke. But, the acting worked for the non existant script. The gore scenes, there are a few, were ok if not just totally laughable and cheese fun. I mean the budget was small, what do you expect? Scream 3 was made for 50 plus million and it was not this fun. The incest scenes were disturbing. So much so, they gave them to you quite a few more times. Each time more graphic than the last. And, whoever played Crystal as a teenager, those nude scenes were scary. I want to see a ID for this girl. She looked all of 13. And yes, those were graphic as well. ( I think I may have sold some dvds with that last line)

As a whole,I would recommend it to anyone who knows what they are getting into. I mean, if you are a horror fan and you are looking for scares and awesome blood. This is not your film. But, if you are a pervert and love to look at hot nude women, who just ham it up and give you cheese fun. This is the film. I can just see it now, you hated Hobo with a shotgun, Troll Hunter, Hatchet 2, Mold! and Rubber but you like Burlesque Massacre, your serious? I thought the film was well shot and fun. Movies like this make my job just fun sometime. With all the problems in the world, a film like this does not at all take it self serious, and just gives you a dose of old school 70’s sleeze. Plus the ending opened itself up for a sequel, which Marie Lynn has since confirmed.

7 out of 10

  • I just stumbled back on to this review after checking out your review of Matthew’s / Never Submit Ent. new short movie.

    Certainly not going to defend Burlesque, which I made this way 100% on purpose. But I am glad Jame’s did see the darker level in a pile of 70s smut 😉 I’m generally a more serious/darker filmmaker, but I took a chance doing Burlesque by mixing my dark style, with 70s exploit and the Burlesque Dancers, and it has paid off great. it’s doing better then i ever thought it would….

    But as far as horror being a joke, i would blame the Scream films or the Saw sequels (the first one is great.. but all the rest suck) or F13/Em Street remakes that make the original series look like high art. My little nothing film and this reviewer don’t have the power to make horror a joke. Rob Zombie is the only one to make horror anywhere near decent in the last decade and he got blasted for ‘ruining Halloween” – did these fuckers see Halloween 5,6 H20????? Rob’s films are Citizen Kane compared to that crap.

    Anyway… I’m glad people liked it… my next film is far more serious and more modern,. but i don’t regret Burlesque at all.

    BTW… I have nothing to do with Matthew’s Famous at all.. I haven’t even seen it. Not knocking it.. just saying.. since your review said Matthew’s Burlesque crew or something. He company and crew are in a totally different state. He just supports and helps produce my stuff from time to time. He is a great guy. I want to see Famous.. just haven’t gotten to it.

  • First off, thanks for checking out the review. Why is horror viewed as a joke, to me it is because a lot of fans just forget why they are fans in the first place. They are always so fast to be critical and just rip something apart, whether they seen it or not. And there are a few sites, who are so fast to tell you in one sentance ” we support horror and we love the fans”. But, everything they do is either spoiling a film for the fan, or just ripping apart something so badly, you feel the need to follow suit. I see what your saying about my review and I agree, why not just watch porn. But, this film had some really dark overtones and went into some really controversial material, for a film this cheezy really seemed to work for it. Today’s horror fan is so fast to sit and not let themselves be entertained. It is like, they sit there with a notebook and just wait for bad stuff to happen so they can rush online and post it. They forget what being a fan truly is. I picked the two most critical things to be a fan of. Metal and Horror. The fans are rabid and no matter how great we think something is or groundbreaking, the fans will still find a fault with it. Oh well, again thanks for the feedback.

  • Wow

    Damn dude, go find some porn if you need to jerk off THAT badly. It’s like, your entire review was that this movie was shitty but you liked it because some girls got naked. This is why horror is seen as a joke. It’s not the genre, it’s the fans.