River of Darkness review

2011

This film stars TNA wrestler and former Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle as sheriff Will Logan. In his riverside small towns strange murders have been happening and it his job to find out what is going on. This film is from Bruce Koehler who is also responsible for End Game, the last Kurt Angle film that was unwatchably bad. This one is so bad, it actually is laughable. Also with Kurt Angle, you have former wrestling talents Sid Eudy ( aka Vicious, Psycho Sid), Kevin Nash (aka Diesel) and Ray Lloyd ( aka Glacier). Nash and Sid, play the Jacob Brothers, who along with their father are coming back to life to avenge their deaths. Harvey Hix and his vigilante mob, killed the Jacobs when a girl falsely accused one of them of rape. ( which is never shown in the movie and briefly talked about) Kurt Angle is no actor. And I am dying to see the pitch for this film and a 3 million dollar budget. ” Ok we got scary sets, and wrestlers. It will work”. Anyone else notice since Kurt Angle went to TNA his stock has fallen badly. And this film, I will put it with Legendary, The Chaperone, and Knucklehead as another bad decision to make wrestlers look so stupid. The kills are so phony looking, and the script was written on napkins at the Impact Zone during a break. The film is laughably bad. The scene they investigate the murders of two locals Tom and Rob Powell, that one scene was so hilariously awful. One of the dead body looked like it was trying to wave hello and Angle starring at it and then looking into the camera..was priceless. A scene with Paranormal investigators on a boat. The guy drops his glasses, and cannot see something two inches in front of him and says, ” I am blind, i cant see a thing”. Keep this scene in mind. Ten minutes later, a boat is in the distance with this deep fog and all of a sudden he can see all the way out there when the woman did not see it and say ” hey look it is a boat”. Thank god, Sid had no dialogue. And Nash, had two sentences. ” Already dead..and ughhhhh”. This film is a utter joke. If you want to see a film that will make you laugh, when it is not a comedy. This is for you. The good news, Kurt Angle and Bruce Koehler are signed up for 2 more films together, with Tom Savini as well. No comment.